I want to marry your Mother

My personal Superhero

We had been neighbors and business partners for eight years. One unforgettable day a new spark ignited between us. Only problem was, my Superhero was a confirmed bachelor and wanted absolutely nothing to do with marriage. So after a decade of being best friends who had fallen in love, I opted to walk away from our relationship rather than live a life in limbo with a man who swore he would never be married.

But shortly thereafter God entered his life and his outlook began to change. When 9/11 happened, he realized how short life can be and asked me to marry him. We were married five weeks later.

In the meantime, he wrote to each of my five daughters and asked their permission to marry me. In cleaning up my office recently, I found the following letter he had written to them and their responses. I adore this man, I adore my girls. This was the beginning of our incredible and awesome married life together.

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From Dave

Hi, guys.

Some of you are aware that I’m thinking about asking your mother to marry me. Since there is no way to marry her without marrying the whole family, I thought I should ask you first. You all know I’m not the marrying type. The options I’ve been keeping open for the last 25 years are no longer available to me now as a Christian, and as ingrained as is my aversion to marriage, I really can’t find any other foundation for it.

My personal superhero

You know I love you. I hope you know I love your mother. Still, with all the reasoning and emotional pressure (internal pressure, nobody has pushed me) I probably wouldn’t be doing this – primarily because it’s easier to do nothing than to do something that has been abhorrent for so many years.

Accepting Jesus as my Lord and personal Savior has had some real influence in my life. The fact that God has clearly told your mother that she and I are to be “one flesh” is interesting, but the fact that God has confirmed that message to me is motivating and impossible to ignore. I can’t claim faith in the Lord and ask Him to “command that I may obey” and then walk away from this first command.

God is good. Please be aware that I am going to be involved in trying to keep each of you in the type of personal relationship with the Lord that will compel you to do what you know God wants you to do rather than what your flesh is in the habit of doing. I love you that much.

All that said, I have to tell you also that, much to my surprise, I am beginning to absolutely delight in the idea of being married (to all of you). This hasn’t been a story-book, romantic, dream experience that your mother probably would have liked and deserved, but I’m beginning to think that with God’s good grace, it is going to be the most wonderful, exciting, and fulfilling experience that anybody could imagine.

So, should we do this?

I started out saying I was going to ask you guys first, but you’ve got to know you get to respond, but you don’t really get to vote.

From Betsy

I remember earlier this summer being so angry with you because we were going to have to say goodbye. I grieved for you as any daughter would grieve the impending divorce of the parents she adores.

Betsy at Mimi's wedding

While I am not skeptical of your motives or your actions, I am having a hard time reversing my heart and my thoughts. I am overcome with a feeling that can be described as nothing other than “weirdness.” I am confident that with Christ at the center of your marriage, you will be a couple whose relationship will be an envy to all who are in your presence.

Your relationship has been that way for ten years without the benefit of Christ or marriage, and I have always wished that you would pull your head out of your butt and acknowledge the rarity of the amazing family with which you have been blessed. Did you ever imagine that you would have had the opportunity to have grandchildren? I am so thankful that I do not have to explain to my daughter why her Grandpa is no longer in her life.

Thank you for asking us for our mother’s hand. It was very respectful, and my answer is yes on one condition: You are no longer allowed to sleep through Christmas! It is a joyous time that is to be shared with your family.

I love you, and YES, you can marry my mom!

From Susie

My family is nuts.

My whole life, this is a reality I have always accepted. I never really tried to figure out why we were this way. It didn’t seem to matter when it had just always been.

Put us all together and my family is loud. We are opinionated, we are stubborn, and on rare occasions, we’ve been known to be SLIGHTLY vengeful . . .

My family is nuts.

It’s great. It’s so great and it makes me sad that not everyone understands ‘family’ the way we do. For a long time I didn’t appreciate it. I only saw the part that was nuts. I didn’t understand the loyalty that was the backbone of its insanity. I didn’t see that people envied the closeness we have. I didn’t pay attention enough to notice that when we were loud and they looked at us, they smiled. They weren’t embarrassed for us, they didn’t wish that we were quiet. They could tell that our bond was unique and special and it made people smile.

Susie and Mimi at Mimi's wedding

My family is nuts.

It always worried me, Dave, that you hadn’t asked for this sort of insanity in your life. You were just a nice man, living your own nice, quiet life when !!!!BOOM!!!! here come the new neighbors. We plopped down next door and turned your life upside down and I was always afraid that you being in our lives was only temporary because it wasn’t anything you had asked for. It didn’t seem fair that we elbow our way into your life, so I was always prepared for the time when you would go away.

My family is nuts.

When my mom told me you were getting married, I had a hard time believing it. It never seemed anything you were interested in, and so I was the “smart one in the family” because I always knew you’d leave. I don’t think I believed you REALLY wanted to stay with all of us until I got your email. It felt like a million pounds had been lifted from my shoulders.

My family is nuts.

You want to stay. I am so pleased and proud that you want to be a permanent part of our family. I always was hesitant to call you family, but with or without the title, it has always been so. You know us . . . so you know what you’re getting yourself into . . . that makes your staying even better. Because, Dave . . .

My family is nuts.

WELCOME!

Katie Ann Foster

From Katie

You are going to have to give us all some time to think about this, Dave!

Ummm . . . YES YES YES ! ! ! All that I have to say is that it is about damn time, Dad 😉 !!! You are already a part of our family, this just makes it official. We all love you and receive you with open arms. I hope you are ready for us!

From Maggie

Dave – I am delighted that you and mom are getting married, and even more so delighted in the fact that you are doing it in the presence of the Lord. We have all looked at you as “Dad” for the last ten years, and in my eyes, not all that much is going to change for those around you.

Maggie Foster

I know you have not been pressured, just for the simple fact that I know your views on marriage and no one can pressure you with the mindset you’ve always had. I love you and am honored that you are marrying into the family. It’s long overdue, but looking at it from a distance, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

You’ve always been a part of the family, but I guess this a formal welcoming. So welcome (fully) to the family, Dave! You have always been my Dad and have always filled a void that was there for a long time. I am so happy that God has changed your heart, and that you are willing and excited to marry all of us.

Caroline Grace Foster

I LOVE YOU!

From Callie

You don’t need permission. We’d all love to have you officially in the family.

 

 

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Eighteen years later, we are better than ever. As hard as it is to believe, we’ve never had a fight. There is so much respect between us that we both actively listen if we disagree with something the other is saying. We are blessed beyond measure.

Dave and Mimi Feith 2019

    4 thoughts on “I want to marry your Mother”

    1. What fabulous thoughts all around. I didn’t realize Dave wasn’t their biological father. So glad he found The Lord; so to speak. Loved Suzie’s “The family is nuts!” We all know, some of the best families are! Faith, family, and friends is such a beautiful combination. Throw in lots of love and laughter and viola, perfection. You are, and will continue to be, a constant source of inspiration to us all. Through good times, I pray are many in number, and through the bad times, I pray are few and far between, we will be with you. With a strong faith, and a sense of unending humor, there isn’t anything we can’t handle. Sending lots and lots of love to you, Dave, and your bevy of beautiful daughters. ❤️🙏❤️ 🥰 Pam

      • What a precious comment. Thank you, Pam. Dave was their dad most of their lives and he was the influence and shoulder to lean on as they grew up. I couldn’t have asked for anyone more perfect. Thank you for your love and prayers. This year has been challenging, but brighter days are ahead. Love and abundant hugs.

    2. Mimi…Of course, you know I approve of this story and message!! I am happy for you and have to admit that way back in the day when we worked at the same real estate company…I never knew your story…or even that you had a family. I am blessed that you are now someone I consider a friend even though we live 400 miles apart and only talk on the computer. I am happy for you and pulling for you on your next journey. Take care…Mike

      • Thanks so much, Mike. I hope you’ve found peace in the fields of Nebraska 🙂 – and I absolutely consider you a dear friend whether we see each other or not. As impersonal as it is, this internet stuff can still keep people connected. Hope you’re well . . . Mimi

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