If I am ever a romance heroine, I will not

New York Times Bestselling Author Jennifer Crusie has a HILARIOUS list on her website called “If I am ever a romance heroine, I will not . . .” Here is the list for your reading enjoyment. I think Number 19 is my favorite. Have you got some you’d like to add?

“If I am ever a romance heroine, I will not…”

  1. Reading Thunder StruckGo up in my nightie to see what all that screaming in the attic is about. (Jenny)
  2. Have a baby and not tell the father to protect him and his future. (Jenny)
  3. Decide to barge into a dangerous situation just to show him! (Corrina)
  4. Tell the hero I’m a virgin as I’m about to have some really incredible sex. (Corrina)
  5. Let my breasts taunt and/or tease the hero. (Jenny)
  6. See him talking to another woman and turn it into a Flaming Affair without asking him about it. (Jen)
  7. Go into the basement to see what that strange noise was. (Beth)
  8. Permit my bosom to heave, especially while wearing a bodice. (Beth)
  9. Ever permit my bodice to be ripped, though I may rip it myself. (Beth)
  10. Wear a bodice. (Beth)
  11. Be more beautiful, thin, and/or rich than anyone else on the planet. (Cindy)
  12. Conceal my identity, or if I already have, put off telling him who I really am. (Darla)
  13. Have the longest legs the hero’s ever seen, especially if I’m only five foot tall. (Darla)
  14. Borrow clothes that are too snug in the bosom. (Darla)
  15. Be at the absolute pinnacle of my profession when I’m 22. (Darla)
  16. Get in front of the hero and his gun when the villain is confronting us.
  17. Limit…the breathy pauses in…my sentences…to only one…a phrase. (lslcw)
  18. Have a “creamy” anything. (cyn/blinky)
  19. Have sex with a hero who has a “velvet covered manhood” because of the annoying lint this would create. (liberryshortcake)
  20. Keep reminding the hero that I am independent and can take care of myself, while constantly getting into situations where he has to “save” me. (Carolyn)
  21. Insist I am independent then allow the hero to dictate my life. (Jen)
  22. Struggle futilely to break free from the hero’s punishing embrace before being overcome with desire. Either I want him, in which case I should not be fighting, or I don’t want him, in which case I should break his nose, foot, finger, and anything else handy. Enough with the wimpy struggles. (Jen)
  23. Tell all my suspicions to the nice looking, totally sympathetic “other” man only to find out he’s the killer. (TheTwoJeans)

    2 thoughts on “If I am ever a romance heroine, I will not”

    1. Ha!! Great list. If I was a romance heroine, I would not bemoan the weight I can’t lose yet eat chocolate at every emotional turning point! (That’s solely for real life!)

      • Oh, my gosh, Beth, isn’t that the truth! I think the difficulty in weight loss is in getting wrapped up in the writing and not moving anything but your eyes and fingers for hours at a time 😀 Thanks for your comment!

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